Tuesday, 11 May 2010

An intercepted phone call

In the offices of Shift-Through-A-Goose Removals (No-One Moves Quicker) of south London
Bert: Bloody 'ell, phone again. 'Allo? Goose Removals (We Dunarf Shift) howkinhepyou?
Caller: Oh, hello. My name's Sarah. I'd like to book a van for a removal.
Bert: No problem, missis. When and where to?
Caller: Well... it's central London to Scotland.
Bert: OK, flower, can do. And the date you 'ad in mind?
Caller: Um... well... now, really. Soon as you can manage. They're putting our stuff out the back now.
Bert: Now? Blimey... *scratches head* That's a bit shorter notice than usual, y'know.
Caller: Yes, I know... it's been difficult to make plans, you see.
Bert: 'Ang on a mo - let me see if Dave's on his mobile, he's finishing a job over in Brixton, he might be able to get to you before long.
Caller: Oh... we couldn't have anyone called Dave, I'm afraid.
Bert: Wot?
Caller: It's a bit difficult to explain... haven't you got anyone else nearby?
Bert: *long inward breath through teeth* I might just be able to get Imran and his boys... no problem with anyone called Imran, is there? Only I dunno 'oo else I've got coming free, y'see.
Caller: I'm sure he'll be fine. Only... could you make it as quick as you can? It's really getting quite cold tonight...
Bert: Give us yer number, luv, and I'll get back to you in five, OK? Give us your address again?
Caller: SW1A 2AA... and we're going to Kirkcaldy.
Bert: Bugger me... pardon my French, luv, that's quite a trip. I'll have to take a deposit over the phone, OK? Got a card?

*A moment's silence*

Caller: Can I call you back?

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