Thursday, 14 November 2013

Green light to build

Having finished studying prawn recipes, I was intrigued to Observe the Huffington Post story claiming that golf courses take up 'twice as much land as housing'.
Well, surely this is the best news of the week. At one stroke (geddit?) we could free up a lot of land for desperately needed housing, at the same time as removing a lot of middle-aged white boys with seriously bad dress sense from otherwise attractive landscape.

It's made of win. Women should be right behind this notion, as we all know how much golf clubs like women. Not a lot. The Royal Burgess, for example — the oldest golf club in the world — doesn't allow women to enjoy their hallowed acres. Heaven knows what catastrophe might ensue.

Meanwhile, housing is in very short supply, and we see the younger generation loading themselves down with enormous debt to get on the housing ladder. Like they haven't got enough debt, what with university fees and all. No, we need affordable housing more than we need playgrounds for balding bigots in BMWs. We will rise up, led by the Bollocks-Finder Generals, and take back the lost leys. We may have to shoot some of the most vocal protestors, but I like to think of it as a cleansing of the gene pool. We will, in a spirit of fairness, gift parcels of currently unused brownfield land to the golf clubs by way of compensation, and I hereby present a compelling vision of the future for them.

Clearly, this is the sort of environment that chaps who like pastel polo shirts, strange trousers and one glove really belong in. They can still do business deals, network like rutting ferrets and get some fresh air. They will give a little badly needed amusement to inner-city residents and perhaps even boost the local economy (by way of stolen BMWs). The occasional golf-ball through a window will be a fair price to pay.

Women, being sensible creatures, won't mind being excluded from this scenario, as they wouldn't want to be seen dead there. It's made of win, people.